Why Nice Guys Finish Last – Part Two
It took me a really long time, and I mean years to understand what happened that day. It made sense in my head, but it didn’t make sense in Nida’s head. This wasn’t the girl of my dreams by a long shot, she was just a high school crush that I happened to find some courage with to express how I felt. I’m really glad I did or else I wouldn’t have learned.
The JD then is definitely not the JD now of course. I’m still a nice guy, sort of, but I’m very selective with who I show my nice guy side to. The problem with me in the past was, I was nice to every girl I met. I cannot stress this enough. Even if she was a bitch and I knew she was using me, but as long as she smiled or touched my arm, I would be willing to do anything for her. Pick her up, drop her off, hold her purse, or take her to her boyfriends house. Yea, I’ve done that before! I was the nicest of the nicest guys ever.
Nice guys finish last because of one reason. They have no self value. Let me say that again. Nice guys have no self value, worth, importance or merit. They give without having the girl earn. If you’re a guy reading this and that doesn’t make sense to you, then my nice guy friend, you have a lot to learn and many friend boats to occupy.
Nice guys don’t see themselves worth much. If you value yourself at $1, the world will treat you as if you’re worth $1. If you value yourself at $100, the world will reciprocate. You have to be realistic though, you can’t be a loser and value yourself worth a million dollars; you’ll be easily pegged as a fake.
We’ve been raised like dogs by our parents, friends and teachers. Parents gave us orders; “Do your home work, and then you can go outside.” Our friends bribed us; “Please do this for me and I promise I’ll give you that.” Our teachers made us show our work; “But Miss, why do I have write out 10 lines in long division when I can do it all in my head?”
All these elements of growth teach us one thing and one thing only. To get the reward, you must put in the work. This is the same concept of earning. If we are given something without really having to work for it, we question why we’re being offered it. Nice guys give without having the girl earn.
The downside to being a nice guy is that eventually you will get pissed off with the lack of rewards that you will most likely morph into an asshole. I did. It got me the attention that I always craved from the opposite sex but it wasn’t real because I wasn’t genuine. I didn’t know how to turn the asshole off, just like I didn’t know how to turn the nice guy off. It’s human nature to go from one extreme to the next while you should really try to aim for a happy medium.
Courting is required to build attraction, and both individuals have to put in their equal share of work to get the reward. Nice guys put in 110% of the work when they should only be putting in 50%.